Fast Food Just Got A Whole Lot Better

I haven't eaten a fast food burger in close to 20 years, but after seeing this commercial, that could change real soon. I'm a firm believer in the power of advertising, but Jesus there is a such thing as overkill. Even as unbelievable as that commercial was (Padma eating a Hardee's burger, WTF?), it has burned a permanent food fantasy in my mind. Involving eh,errr... Fast Food? Did I just say that?

[Thanks to Ryan, who I am sure is at Hardee's right now ordering a burger with DOUBLE EXTRA sauce.]

Dude, I need one of these...

Ok, if I had one of these it sure as hell wouldn't be used for three kinds of juice. Unless your idea of "juice" is whisky, tequila, and vodka then that's a different story. Hmmm, reminds me of my last vacation where they had liquor dispensers in every room, with four different flavors!

(via Found Shit)

New Study Finds Red Meat May Shorten Life

What, you mean this stuff is BAD for you? Holy crap who funded this new study? Because whoever it was, they got ripped the hell off.

"Men and women who eat higher amounts of red meat and processed meat have a higher risk of dying from cancer, heart disease, and other causes compared to those who eat less, according to a new study."

(From WebMD)

Bachelor Party Float trip

This past weekend we went out on a two day float trip to celebrate a buddy's bachelor party. The idea: Lots of booze, lots of food and lots fun. The reality: Lots of booze, lots of food and LOTS OF FRIGGIN' RAIN. Yeah that's us sitting around in the rain nursing our hangovers.

You see, the river wasn't quite high enough to avoid dragging. So if someone from your boat had to get out and drag, then everyone in the boat had to do a shot (A Choice of: Kamikaze shot, Whiskey shot, or Shot-gun a beer). Needless to say, pretty much everyone was trashed by the time we cooked dinner. So sadly, I really don't have much recollection of the food that I made. Home made mac & cheese (made with bleu cheese) and a new recipe I developed... Jalapeño coleslaw. I have NO idea how it tasted, all I know is that we ate it all. Also, I think someone brought turkey legs that we reheated over the fire. I can remember those because I had one for breakfast, and when I look back that seems like a great camp food. Since they are smoked, they keep relatively well and taste great after being reheated.

About the time we got off the river on Saturday afternoon, someone thought it'd be funny to make it stop raining. Then on Sunday it was sunny and 74º. Ironically, we'd bumped our trip up a day to avoid the rain that was coming on Sunday. Smart...

Book Review: Think Like a Chef

I recently finished reading Think Like A Chef by Tom Colicchio (The head judge of Top Chef). I have to say that the first thing I would recommend doing is flip to about the middle of the book and tear it completely in half. The first half of the book is a wonderfully fascinating read. But, in this first half Tom claims that he "wanted to write more than just a collection of recipes." Which is EXACTLY what makes up the second half. Albeit, there are introductions to the sections of recipes that are interesting. However, for me, reading recipes is an excruciatingly painful experience.

One of the most profound parts of the book (and the reason I walked out of the bookstore with the book in hand) was when Tom made an analogy between learning how to cook and learning a foreign language. In the words of my interpretation: When we start learning a language we all learn the words and meanings of those words. Then we begin to form sentences with these words and, eventually after lots of practice, we begin to speak the language fluently. Thus is the way we learn ingredients, and how those ingredients work with each other in order to speak a language that communicates our intentions.

Another part of the book I found interesting was the introduction, which was basically Tom's resumé. I knew Tom was a famous chef in his own right, but I had no idea of his background. Bet you didn't know he got his culinary start by flipping burgers.

Overall I think it was worth the read. Although, you will read more about Morels and Ramps than you will ever care to know.

What Does a $97 Cheeseburger Look Like? Like This!

Talk about needing to call 9-1-1 at a fast food restaurant. Apparently, this burger is an In-N-Out burger made with 100 patties of meat. Go here to read about the yahoos that ate the whole thing, all but the two raw patties that somehow managed to get in there.

(From What Up Willy!)

Mechanical Corkscrew

This past xmas I was looking for the perfect corkscrew for my wife, as she is probably the only person in the world who can drink as much wine as I can. This is the one I should have gotten her instead of that lousy Screwpull. This one even pours the wine for you.

(From Geekologie)

"Body Bakery"

Is the title of a series of baked goods by Baker/Artist Kittiwat Unarrom. They are "tastefully" gruesome, aren't they?

"Inspired and informed by anatomy book and visits to forensic museums, he makes sure that none of your various body part bread desires go unfulfilled: he also makes feet, hands, and internal organs which come displayed impaled on hooks. Made from dough, raisins, cashew nuts, and chocolate, all of the works on display are totally edible."

The artist says “When people see the bread, they don’t want to eat it. But when they taste it, it’s just normal bread." Don't want to eat it? Are you Kidding? I would totally dig in. Of course as long as it tasted good...

See more at Shape & Color.

Cooking on the River

This weekend I went kayaking on the Kings River with some friends. It was a last minute decision, so I was rushing around Saturday morning to get my gear ready. There was no time to go shopping for food to take on the trip. I opened the fridge door and riffled through the contents, hmmmm... Pickles. I bagged up some dill spears in a ziplock. After I decided that I couldn't last the day on pickles and beer, I went through the freezer. As the light shone from the freezer it haloed and danced off a shiny object, much like I would imagine the Holy Grail should look. There it was laying in the deep freeze so conveniently wrapped in foil and bagged in plastic. Leftover beef ribs, already cooked. I threw them in the cooler. WAIT! But what else should be laying next to the ribs? Frozen shrimp. I made a quick marinade with olive oil, soy, rice wine vinegar, salt & pepper, and coarse chopped garlic, oh and a little fresh chopped parsley since I had it on hand. The thought was that they would de-thaw by the time we got there. I grabbed some skewers and threw it all into the cooler.

We got there a little late, mostly because of me. But we had a good time once we got rollin'. We stopped about halfway and built a fire. Everyone gathered 'round and poked their hot dogs with sticks and stuck them into the ground. But once I started skewering shimp, everyone was eyeballing me like I was doing something very wrong. I skewered them and stuck the skewers in the ground next to the fire turning them every couple of minutes. Meanwhile I had thrown the whole damn aluminum rib packet into the fire, down into the coals. After it was done I served up ribs, shrimp and pickles to many agreements that this was the best food they had ever eaten on the river.

Top Ten Foods I Hate

(Photo from Chow Times)

I just read a blog post on Yahoo Food about the "The Top Foods People Love or Hate" and there wasn't a single thing on that list that I hate. In fact, everything on that list is pretty much awesome in my book. Truth of the matter is, I'll eat just about anything. Which got me to thinking. What are the top ten foods that I hate?

1. Smoked Salmon- I think that the last time I ate it, I actually threw-up. It's truly revolting.
2. Fish Roe- You know those little yellow beads on sushi? It's more of a texture thing as I hate it how they "pop" between your teeth. And there are always one or two that hide-out in your mouth until you are done eating and then "pop". Not my Ideal way to finish a meal.
3. Overooked Shrimp- I hate the rubbery bastards.
4. Cold Cooked Shrimp- Like in a shrimp cocktail, can't explain it... Just don't like it.
5. Well Done Steak- That is just a crime against the cow. If it's not mooing on the plate, I'm sending it back.
6. Octopus- I can eat it warm, but cold on a salad, ECK!
7. Bugs- Not that I'm opposed to eating them or that I think they taste bad, but let me ask you this... Why? If I lived in a third world country and needed a source of protein I would reconsider this.
8. Candy- Never really liked the stuff, I'll eat it sometimes but it doesn't mean I like it.
9. Miracle Whip- I'll eat the hell out of some Mayo, but there is just something not right about Miracle Whip.
10. Soda Pop- Mainly because I'm fructose intolerant, but it just seems like it's a kid's drink.

Top Chef And All That

Last night's Top Chef Reunion was a bit of a snoozer, although I did find some of the montages quite hilarious. To me it seemed to be the Stefan show, that and the overly hyped Hosea/Leah hook-up show. Which I find it strange that they both are now single. Of course if I won Top Chef I would be too, 'cause you know that title comes with a lot of "benefits".

The show did a good job of subtly placing merchandise that is apparently available on the website. Speaking of which, ever since my boy Fabio referred to the show as "Top Scallop", that is what we call it around the house. I see now on the website they have "Top Scallop" tee-shirts, and I'd totally get one if they didn't have that stupid-a$$ Bravo logo on them. I mean what were they thinking about on the placement? Since we are on the subject of Tee-shirts, Stefan has his own clothing line now. Cocky Chef Clothing.

Wii Love Breakfast

Check out this totally rad new cooking game for the Wii. If it were real I could seriously convince myself to get a Wii. Who am I kidding, I'm too damn lazy to make breakfast as it is. Speaking of breakfast, when was the last time you had breakfast for dinner? Hmmm.

(Via Geekologie)

McDonalds 911

It has happened again. Yet another genius has called 911 to complain about service at a fast food restaurant. This time "MAC"Donalds is the perp (yeah, that's cop language for offender). Honestly, we need to set up an emergency number just for fast food complaints. Hmmm, 4-1-1 and 9-1-1 are already taken, how about 9-1-SHUT THE HELL UP. Seriously, if anyone should be calling 9-1-1 it should be because of the crap they ate. Me: "Hello, 9-1-1? Holy sh!t I just saw someone eat ten quarter pounders with cheese and a bucket of fries." 9-1-1: "Sir I'm sorry to inform you... cardiac arrest is imminent. Under no circumstances should you perform mouth-to-mouth." 

(Via The Smoking Gun)

The Dark Side of Toast, Vader Toaster Shipping

I asked my wife for a Darth Vader toaster this past Xmas and, unfortunately, I didn't get it. I'm pretty sure it's because it wasn't going to ship until March of 2009. Well, it's March and I want the damn thing sooo bad I can taste it. Seriously, with toast like that even a knuckle sandwich would taste awesome (which is probably what I would get if I brought one home)! Now all I need is a knife-sized light saber for cutting off the crusts.

"While the Jedi have to live off of Jawa juice and fried nerfsteak, the Dark Lord of the Sith prefers to have a reminder of his fiery Mustafar defeat at his breakfast table. Every morning he burns that moment into a slice of bread with the Darth Vader Toaster. This black, ominous kitchen appliance easily leaves the mark of Vader's helmet in every yummy piece of toast. Slather some Bantha butter on top, or make two pieces for an extra-Sithy BLT. Force power not required to operate toaster."

Pizza Burger

I'm a fan of heart-stopping goodness, but some of the "recipes" that people come up with never cease to amaze me.

"The Bacon and Cheese Stuffed Pizza Burger consists of the following: two sausage and pepperoni pizzas (serving as the bun), a 5-pound hamburger patty, two pounds of bacon, and two pounds cheese (plus an onion and two bulbs of garlic)."

Go here to read the recipe in full.

(Via Geekologie)