The Best Food Tee Ever!

This is my homage to the food that ended a sixteen year stint as a vegetarian... It's what we all give it up for. So click on the thumbnail to go to Threadless and vote for me pleeez.

A Whole Pig and a Wedding Too

This weekend my wife and I attended a wedding, and to my delight and her ultimate horror, they were roasting a pig. I of course forced my culinary expertise upon them and insisted that I help. Not that they needed any help roasting that bad boy, I've just never done it before and I wanted the experience. Above are the pictures of Baron Von Wienerhausen. One of the brides(?) in the wedding gave the pig that name on account of the fire pit looking like a cinderblock castle. My guess is that it was a castle not fit for a king, hence the title of "Baron." 

It was yummy yummy goodness. Once we began carving it up, I immediately swiped a hunk of the cheek meat and a sizable slice of the tenderloin, oh and a couple of ribs to boot. I had eaten so much pork that I failed get drunk, despite my many attempts.

It was my proposal to do a pig of the month club. Every month, 20 people get together and pitch in $10 and roast one of those tasty behemoths. The proposal quickly evolved into goats, lambs and any other sizable hunk of meat you can roast. We shall see how that develops...

Canned Chicken

And I thought the rotisserie chickens at Walmart were appetizing. Get a load of this tasty can of goodness. I like the cooking directions on the back. It says to save the "delicious" broth, yes the broth looks VERY delicious.

From Food Network Humor

The BA-K-47

This one has been out there for a bit, but I had the odd chance of having beers with the guy who made it (Who surprisingly reeked of bacon). Meeting this dood was great because most of the things that go viral, that my friends create, are usually geeked-out concoctions of Star Wars or D&D. So here it is the BA-K-47, sorry I missed that party train.

"I decided it was time for me to make my own bacon creation. I came up with the BA-K-47, a 1:1 scale AK-47 made out of bacon. It took a total of eight hours to create, a lot of bacon, and a blowtorch... oh yeah, and our good friend beer helped too."

http://www.thisisfreakingridiculous.com

The Race Track Ruben

I grew up in Hot Springs, Ar. My first "real job" was working for Oaklawn Park. I was a porter working Ice and food stands (strangely the closest I've ever come to working in the food industry). If the girls ran out of Ice, I got it. If they ran out of hot dogs, I got them. Nachos... I got those too. I never really worked there for the "pay check" most of that went to the "horse tips" I used to get. I'd bet those ponies and make a tidy little profit. Those days are gone. 

Now when I go to the track I lose my A$$. But one thing is for sure, their corned beef sandwiches are still the best in the world. Just a couple days before we went to see the Arkansas Derby, I popped into Jason's Deli and ordered a Corned Beef Sandwich with extra meat. My wife asked me what I was doing, because I was going to have one at the track in two days. I told her I was priming myself, but really I guess it was sort of a control in a corned beef sandwich experiment. Basically I needed something to reconfirm that I was indeed about to have the best corned beef sandwich in the world. We went to the track and I have to say, it did not disappoint. 

Grow Your Own Spaghetti Tree

Scientists recently "re-discovered" living specimens of the Spaghetti Tree in a remote region of the Swiss Alps. The trees were thought to have gone extinct in the early 60's, due to the intense demand for spaghetti, once spaghetti had gained in global popularity. With modern breeding and cloning techniques, scientists believe that in the near future these trees will be widely available at most local nurseries. Each tree is expected to produce about 400 pounds of spaghetti annually. Read more about the re-discovery of the Spaghetti Tree.

(Via Yahoo News)

Fast Food Just Got A Whole Lot Better

I haven't eaten a fast food burger in close to 20 years, but after seeing this commercial, that could change real soon. I'm a firm believer in the power of advertising, but Jesus there is a such thing as overkill. Even as unbelievable as that commercial was (Padma eating a Hardee's burger, WTF?), it has burned a permanent food fantasy in my mind. Involving eh,errr... Fast Food? Did I just say that?

[Thanks to Ryan, who I am sure is at Hardee's right now ordering a burger with DOUBLE EXTRA sauce.]

Dude, I need one of these...

Ok, if I had one of these it sure as hell wouldn't be used for three kinds of juice. Unless your idea of "juice" is whisky, tequila, and vodka then that's a different story. Hmmm, reminds me of my last vacation where they had liquor dispensers in every room, with four different flavors!

(via Found Shit)

New Study Finds Red Meat May Shorten Life

What, you mean this stuff is BAD for you? Holy crap who funded this new study? Because whoever it was, they got ripped the hell off.

"Men and women who eat higher amounts of red meat and processed meat have a higher risk of dying from cancer, heart disease, and other causes compared to those who eat less, according to a new study."

(From WebMD)

Bachelor Party Float trip

This past weekend we went out on a two day float trip to celebrate a buddy's bachelor party. The idea: Lots of booze, lots of food and lots fun. The reality: Lots of booze, lots of food and LOTS OF FRIGGIN' RAIN. Yeah that's us sitting around in the rain nursing our hangovers.

You see, the river wasn't quite high enough to avoid dragging. So if someone from your boat had to get out and drag, then everyone in the boat had to do a shot (A Choice of: Kamikaze shot, Whiskey shot, or Shot-gun a beer). Needless to say, pretty much everyone was trashed by the time we cooked dinner. So sadly, I really don't have much recollection of the food that I made. Home made mac & cheese (made with bleu cheese) and a new recipe I developed... Jalapeño coleslaw. I have NO idea how it tasted, all I know is that we ate it all. Also, I think someone brought turkey legs that we reheated over the fire. I can remember those because I had one for breakfast, and when I look back that seems like a great camp food. Since they are smoked, they keep relatively well and taste great after being reheated.

About the time we got off the river on Saturday afternoon, someone thought it'd be funny to make it stop raining. Then on Sunday it was sunny and 74º. Ironically, we'd bumped our trip up a day to avoid the rain that was coming on Sunday. Smart...

Book Review: Think Like a Chef

I recently finished reading Think Like A Chef by Tom Colicchio (The head judge of Top Chef). I have to say that the first thing I would recommend doing is flip to about the middle of the book and tear it completely in half. The first half of the book is a wonderfully fascinating read. But, in this first half Tom claims that he "wanted to write more than just a collection of recipes." Which is EXACTLY what makes up the second half. Albeit, there are introductions to the sections of recipes that are interesting. However, for me, reading recipes is an excruciatingly painful experience.

One of the most profound parts of the book (and the reason I walked out of the bookstore with the book in hand) was when Tom made an analogy between learning how to cook and learning a foreign language. In the words of my interpretation: When we start learning a language we all learn the words and meanings of those words. Then we begin to form sentences with these words and, eventually after lots of practice, we begin to speak the language fluently. Thus is the way we learn ingredients, and how those ingredients work with each other in order to speak a language that communicates our intentions.

Another part of the book I found interesting was the introduction, which was basically Tom's resumé. I knew Tom was a famous chef in his own right, but I had no idea of his background. Bet you didn't know he got his culinary start by flipping burgers.

Overall I think it was worth the read. Although, you will read more about Morels and Ramps than you will ever care to know.

What Does a $97 Cheeseburger Look Like? Like This!

Talk about needing to call 9-1-1 at a fast food restaurant. Apparently, this burger is an In-N-Out burger made with 100 patties of meat. Go here to read about the yahoos that ate the whole thing, all but the two raw patties that somehow managed to get in there.

(From What Up Willy!)

Mechanical Corkscrew

This past xmas I was looking for the perfect corkscrew for my wife, as she is probably the only person in the world who can drink as much wine as I can. This is the one I should have gotten her instead of that lousy Screwpull. This one even pours the wine for you.

(From Geekologie)

"Body Bakery"

Is the title of a series of baked goods by Baker/Artist Kittiwat Unarrom. They are "tastefully" gruesome, aren't they?

"Inspired and informed by anatomy book and visits to forensic museums, he makes sure that none of your various body part bread desires go unfulfilled: he also makes feet, hands, and internal organs which come displayed impaled on hooks. Made from dough, raisins, cashew nuts, and chocolate, all of the works on display are totally edible."

The artist says “When people see the bread, they don’t want to eat it. But when they taste it, it’s just normal bread." Don't want to eat it? Are you Kidding? I would totally dig in. Of course as long as it tasted good...

See more at Shape & Color.

Cooking on the River

This weekend I went kayaking on the Kings River with some friends. It was a last minute decision, so I was rushing around Saturday morning to get my gear ready. There was no time to go shopping for food to take on the trip. I opened the fridge door and riffled through the contents, hmmmm... Pickles. I bagged up some dill spears in a ziplock. After I decided that I couldn't last the day on pickles and beer, I went through the freezer. As the light shone from the freezer it haloed and danced off a shiny object, much like I would imagine the Holy Grail should look. There it was laying in the deep freeze so conveniently wrapped in foil and bagged in plastic. Leftover beef ribs, already cooked. I threw them in the cooler. WAIT! But what else should be laying next to the ribs? Frozen shrimp. I made a quick marinade with olive oil, soy, rice wine vinegar, salt & pepper, and coarse chopped garlic, oh and a little fresh chopped parsley since I had it on hand. The thought was that they would de-thaw by the time we got there. I grabbed some skewers and threw it all into the cooler.

We got there a little late, mostly because of me. But we had a good time once we got rollin'. We stopped about halfway and built a fire. Everyone gathered 'round and poked their hot dogs with sticks and stuck them into the ground. But once I started skewering shimp, everyone was eyeballing me like I was doing something very wrong. I skewered them and stuck the skewers in the ground next to the fire turning them every couple of minutes. Meanwhile I had thrown the whole damn aluminum rib packet into the fire, down into the coals. After it was done I served up ribs, shrimp and pickles to many agreements that this was the best food they had ever eaten on the river.

Top Ten Foods I Hate

(Photo from Chow Times)

I just read a blog post on Yahoo Food about the "The Top Foods People Love or Hate" and there wasn't a single thing on that list that I hate. In fact, everything on that list is pretty much awesome in my book. Truth of the matter is, I'll eat just about anything. Which got me to thinking. What are the top ten foods that I hate?

1. Smoked Salmon- I think that the last time I ate it, I actually threw-up. It's truly revolting.
2. Fish Roe- You know those little yellow beads on sushi? It's more of a texture thing as I hate it how they "pop" between your teeth. And there are always one or two that hide-out in your mouth until you are done eating and then "pop". Not my Ideal way to finish a meal.
3. Overooked Shrimp- I hate the rubbery bastards.
4. Cold Cooked Shrimp- Like in a shrimp cocktail, can't explain it... Just don't like it.
5. Well Done Steak- That is just a crime against the cow. If it's not mooing on the plate, I'm sending it back.
6. Octopus- I can eat it warm, but cold on a salad, ECK!
7. Bugs- Not that I'm opposed to eating them or that I think they taste bad, but let me ask you this... Why? If I lived in a third world country and needed a source of protein I would reconsider this.
8. Candy- Never really liked the stuff, I'll eat it sometimes but it doesn't mean I like it.
9. Miracle Whip- I'll eat the hell out of some Mayo, but there is just something not right about Miracle Whip.
10. Soda Pop- Mainly because I'm fructose intolerant, but it just seems like it's a kid's drink.

Top Chef And All That

Last night's Top Chef Reunion was a bit of a snoozer, although I did find some of the montages quite hilarious. To me it seemed to be the Stefan show, that and the overly hyped Hosea/Leah hook-up show. Which I find it strange that they both are now single. Of course if I won Top Chef I would be too, 'cause you know that title comes with a lot of "benefits".

The show did a good job of subtly placing merchandise that is apparently available on the website. Speaking of which, ever since my boy Fabio referred to the show as "Top Scallop", that is what we call it around the house. I see now on the website they have "Top Scallop" tee-shirts, and I'd totally get one if they didn't have that stupid-a$$ Bravo logo on them. I mean what were they thinking about on the placement? Since we are on the subject of Tee-shirts, Stefan has his own clothing line now. Cocky Chef Clothing.

Wii Love Breakfast

Check out this totally rad new cooking game for the Wii. If it were real I could seriously convince myself to get a Wii. Who am I kidding, I'm too damn lazy to make breakfast as it is. Speaking of breakfast, when was the last time you had breakfast for dinner? Hmmm.

(Via Geekologie)

McDonalds 911

It has happened again. Yet another genius has called 911 to complain about service at a fast food restaurant. This time "MAC"Donalds is the perp (yeah, that's cop language for offender). Honestly, we need to set up an emergency number just for fast food complaints. Hmmm, 4-1-1 and 9-1-1 are already taken, how about 9-1-SHUT THE HELL UP. Seriously, if anyone should be calling 9-1-1 it should be because of the crap they ate. Me: "Hello, 9-1-1? Holy sh!t I just saw someone eat ten quarter pounders with cheese and a bucket of fries." 9-1-1: "Sir I'm sorry to inform you... cardiac arrest is imminent. Under no circumstances should you perform mouth-to-mouth." 

(Via The Smoking Gun)

The Dark Side of Toast, Vader Toaster Shipping

I asked my wife for a Darth Vader toaster this past Xmas and, unfortunately, I didn't get it. I'm pretty sure it's because it wasn't going to ship until March of 2009. Well, it's March and I want the damn thing sooo bad I can taste it. Seriously, with toast like that even a knuckle sandwich would taste awesome (which is probably what I would get if I brought one home)! Now all I need is a knife-sized light saber for cutting off the crusts.

"While the Jedi have to live off of Jawa juice and fried nerfsteak, the Dark Lord of the Sith prefers to have a reminder of his fiery Mustafar defeat at his breakfast table. Every morning he burns that moment into a slice of bread with the Darth Vader Toaster. This black, ominous kitchen appliance easily leaves the mark of Vader's helmet in every yummy piece of toast. Slather some Bantha butter on top, or make two pieces for an extra-Sithy BLT. Force power not required to operate toaster."

Pizza Burger

I'm a fan of heart-stopping goodness, but some of the "recipes" that people come up with never cease to amaze me.

"The Bacon and Cheese Stuffed Pizza Burger consists of the following: two sausage and pepperoni pizzas (serving as the bun), a 5-pound hamburger patty, two pounds of bacon, and two pounds cheese (plus an onion and two bulbs of garlic)."

Go here to read the recipe in full.

(Via Geekologie)

The Best Thing I Ever Ate

Wow, how does one come to that decision? It's easy. You'll know when you experience something that is in the running for the title, it is like being hit across the head with a two-by-four. You'll just know. If you can't think of the best thing you've ever eaten then you probably haven't eaten anything good. 

Prior to this last trip, the best thing I had ever eaten was Mozzarella Di Bufala from a streetside vendor in Naples Italy. It was luscious, salty and wrapped in thin, waxy paper, the juice ran down to my elbow (and that is no lie). It was so good that I stopped walking right there in the street, and said to my then girlfriend "Oh my god, you have to ****ing try this." It was a friggin' religious experience. I then realized that everything I had eaten before that moment was utter crap. That one bite changed the way a looked at food, forever.

On this last trip, I had another epiphanical food experience. What was it? Well, I'm holding it in the picture above. It was a Grouper that I caught on a fishing trip. I took it back to the Hotel at the RIU Palace Las Americas. I went and talked to the Chef and gave him the fish, and asked him to do his best. I told him I would be eating at 7:00 pm. He kinda gave me a look of "You're sooo in for a treat." then said, "no problemo." We returned for dinner and met up with Luis, who was one of our favorite waiters. He seated us and I told him about what we had done with the fish and he gave me a knowing nod because he knew all about it. You see, it was HIS recipe that the chef was using. His family recipe. We were well into a bottle of wine when the food arrived, from that point on the details are a little fuzzy. I was in food heaven, if awesomeness had hands and slapped you real hard in the face, it would have felt something like that. I can't remember a single side that came with the fish. I do know that I had also ordered the beef filet to accompany the meal. When I had finished eating, no piece of fish was left, but there was at least three quarters of the beautiful, two inch thick, wonderfully, rare tenderloin still on my plate. I think I made a bit of a ruckus in my proclamation of the fact that that fish was indeed the best thing that I had ever eaten. I insisted that Luis give me the recipe. He wrote it out in a strange broken english/spanish dialect. But, hey, it is hard to interpret art.

If you would like a copy of the recipe, leave a comment (with a way to respond) that you would like it and I'll get it to you.

Paula Deen's Moon Pie

All I can say is that I will NEVER EVER be able un-watch that.

"It was awesome. Paula Deen was wearin tan granny panties."  "Seeing Paula Deen's pants fall down was my favorite part of the Food Network South Beach Wine & Food Festival 2009."

(VIA Miami New Times)

Handheld Toaster

Look at this crazy contraption. I dunno about you, but my palm is already burning. I don't need one of these to add to the problem.

Unlike standard toasters, the Portable Toaster "has a graphic user interface that shows how well the bread is toasted and how long it has been in with animated pictures."

(From Techblog)

And The Top Chef Winners Are...

Hosea, which I totally predicted, c'mon TC producers. I get that if you have a formula you should stick to it, but now it's just downright predictable. Anyway, I'm glad Hosea won. He won me over last week with the Tabasco Burre Blanc, which is pure brilliance IMO.

The criticism was pretty positive last night, although... I would give up wine to hear Toby's criticism of Gail's hoo-has. I mean, did you see those puppys? Dude, was it a shotgun wedding or what? I had to watch it a second time, because the first time around I couldn't stop starin' like they was gonna jump outta the gate or sumpthin'. Well, now that I have pissed off my only female fan, I guess I'll move on.

Ok, did anybody else catch the Hosea - Leah interaction after he "won" (I use that term loosely because I think the "real" winners were Gail's hoo-has)? Let's just say it looked like there was some tongue involved. Seriously, get a room... a can of Crisco, some rubber gloves, and a small video camera.

Ugh, Fat Tuesday leads to Hungover Wednesday.

Ok, last night after the Art Director's Club meeting and few Maker's on the rocks, I decided it was a good idea to head to Dickson Street and drink myself silly. Basically I sat and watched the Mardi Gras bar-hop while I had a few more Makers and a nice cuban cigar (both of which ensured the state of my head today). Which in turn brings me to the point of this post...

Seeking some greasy carbbage to quell my hangover, I went to the Mellow Mushroom. And seeing as how it just opened, it was my first time. At first I thought it might be hippie snacks but in pizza form. I was delighted and surprised to find that it was very good. Quality ingredients and the main reason of this post... wait for it... their WHOLE WHEAT crust. Yeah, me too. I was like whole wheat, WTF? I gotta say it was an awesome recipe I would love to steal it, as I am on a sort of grail-quest to find the dough that is my quintessential recipe for home. Speaking of which, I have Alton Brown's Good Eats pizza dough episode DVR'd. I haven't watched it yet, and I sure hope it follows through.

Tonight on...

I'm sure every food blog in the world has mentioned Top Chef at least once. And right now, half of them are posting the same crap that I'm about to. And that's because tonight is the season finale.

So far I've been pretty good at predicting who's getting the axe, but week after week I hope it's Carla. Thus I've been losing money on her. The key to predicting is to think like a producer not a chef. Because you see, I've watched every season and now I've realized that it has nothing to do with food, it's all about who the producers want to keep (for their entertainment value). Plus it says that in the credits.

Here's my prediction. The overly cocky chef always makes it to the finale, but never wins. So fuggedabboudit Stefan. That leaves Carla and Hosea. Also Top Chef typically selects the most down to earth chef, in this case it would be Hosea ("Because that's my belief, TOM." yeah you know which episode I'm referring to). So, sticking to the formula... My prediction is Hosea. But, an observation I've made is that three out of the past four seasons have been won by white dudes, do we need another? I dunno.

Obama is on a roll...

Or rather, IN a roll. Check out these tasty looking sushi rolls made to look like President Obama. Yet another example of presidential face eating. 

Head on over to Geekologie to see more pictures and to read more about the Obama Rolls.

President Obamacakes

Luce Foundation Center, Smithsonian American Art Museum 

Obamacakes. No, that's not Michelle's pet name for our commander-n-chief. It's a reference to a cupcake installation at the Smithsonian Museum, by famed cupcakanographer Zilly Rosen of Zillycakes.

"Within minutes nearly all of Lincoln’s face had disappeared. But an hour later — thanks to either full stomachs or a respect for the sitting president — the majority of Mr. Obama’s face was left intact."

Read more at the NYT

Personally, I find it a little strange that the inside of the cupcakes for the Prez were chocolate cupcakes and the ones for Lincoln's face were vanilla cupcakes. I guess it is supposed to add to the realism of eating someone's face? I dunno just seems a bit weird.

Fast Food Hysteria

This has been floating around the web for a while, but it never ceases to amaze me how ridiculous some people can be. Just goes to show the effect of fast food on our culture. After hearing this, I now think it's beginning to affect peoples brains and not just their A$$.

Yeah, the cops should have shown up... To arrest her and her chubby kids.

Lunchtime Leftovers

Leftovers, mmmm. Some foods are just better as leftovers, meat loaf for example. Yes the food that ever reminds me of the fat rocker from the Rocky Horror Picture Show. My wife and I actually prefer meat loaf the next day, the food not the rocker. The recipe is of my own concoction, but it is loosely based off my grandmother's recipe that I will never be able to replicate. Hell, I even use the cast iron skillet to cook it in. One spin I like to put on it is that I throw the skillet and all on the grill and cook it over indirect heat. That smokiness is damn good IMO.

Actually, that isn't what I had for lunch today. I had leftover spaghetti and meatballs, but the recipe for the meatballs was a slight variation of my meat loaf recipe. Basically I subbed italian bread crumbs for the crushed saltines that the meat loaf recipe requires, and ta-da! Meatballs. I rolled'em up and cooked them in the skillet on the grill (of course). Then after I cooked them and let them set up I brought the heat back up by braising them a bit in the green olive marinara I made from scratch. Packed them all in some tupps and took them to work.

Did I mention that they were turkey meatballs? Yeh, it was my first time too.

Arreviderchi, Fabio!

Well I guess you could say I called it, much to my own chagrin. And once again I have lost betting against Carla.

I've had a bit of a man-crush on Fabio as he embodies all the qualities in a chef that I would like to see in my own cooking, who am I kidding I just wish I was as good with the ladies. He's a charmer, that Fabio. Take care buddy and know that I was rooting for you from the beginning.

I think that it's pretty obvious that Stefan is the superior chef, but circumstantially both he and Fabio were clearly out of their element. Creole has a sort of dirty, spicy, rustic quality that can't really be faked. In my opinion I think that Jeff clearly had the better dish, but for some reason using Emeril's Spice is enough to win. Ugh. C'mon TC Producers, stop confusing entertaining for annoying!

That is all.

What I had for dinner...

I apologize for the lack of photo, but it wasn't until after the orgy of awesomeness that I realized my oversight.

The idea for tonight's meal came from the usual source, the food market. I found some nice pork tenderloins. So I made an herb and garlic stuffed pork tenderloin, seared and slow grilled over hickory coals. For the sides I picked up some beautiful brussells sprouts that I cut in half and pan roasted in olive oil with a nice drizzle of burre fondue. For the starch we toasted up some wonderfully crusty bread with olive oil. Mmmm.

This past Christmas I got my wife a "wine wheel" which is a device that allows you to look up the food that you are having and it makes some suggestions for wine pairings. The idea is that I call my wife and let her know what I'm cooking and she picks up a bottle on the way home. Well, the suggestions for tonight's fare were Merlot or a Chianti, and my wife, the wonderful woman that she is, showed up with both... And not surprisingly, we drank both. Which explains why I passed out at 9:00 and am now "awake" and blogging at 2:30 in the morning. Ugh.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Soooo Long Carla. I hope.

Around the office we have the Top Chef pool on who's getting axed next, and I'm darn tired of losing money on Carla week after week. I swear if she doesn't get the boot tonight, I am going to personally call Colecchio and give him a culinary spanking for not axing her on the first episode. How's that for some love? Anyway, I think it will probably be my boy Fabio, but only because he chopped off his broken finger and pan seared that sh*t! YO, FABIO!

Whooo Whooo, Please allow me to introduce myself.

I didn't start cooking until my freshman year in college and the most creativity I ever brought to my food was adding salsa to my mac and cheese. It wasn't until recently that I realized cooking was indeed an art form, if not one of the most challenging. And myself, who participates in all endeavors creative, decided to try to understand it and it's intricacies.

I started this blog as a response to an article I read about publishing your cookbook. Turns out nowadays you can't get published unless you have a blog, hmmm. Ain't that a biotch. Well my other blog I've kept up for a couple of years now and is a huge pain in my arse, I don't know what makes me think I can do this one too. Especially, since I have so much catching up to do.